Since Easter, I've been revisiting entries in my journal on a fortnightly basis. This began as a random exercise, but I soon found it a significant feature in understanding the reason behind this blog and what I write, how I write.

The result of the exercise is this : A deep assurance that God takes care of me and watches over me as I grow up.

In May, God touched me very deeply when I went to Portugal - so deep that words can't articulate, yet it remains so real in my heart and mind. Here's a short video that E made when we shared at church one Sunday to reflect our time there. One thing I learnt from this trip is we need to take cities for Christ, and its possible to see a nation turn to Him. I have never prayed for a nation the way I prayed for Fatima, and as the Lord opened our eyes each day to see thousands of people in that courtyard who were so blinded by religion and not fear of God, I saw just how much people at large were hungry spiritually in their souls and how much people were looking for a Savior (answer to their needs).

Then, I headed back to my "tanahair" ie my homeland, with a bonus trip to Thailand with parents that challenged me again as I saw another nation so committed to their religion and gods but unfortunately blinded spiritually from the one true God. My heart broke very deeply as I walked the streets of Thailand seeing the older generation so sold out to this Buddhist and Taoist faith, and I finally understood how Jesus felt when it was said "He was filled with compassion for them" That's all I could feel especially when I saw the Ah-pos and Ah-koongs - a sense of deep compassion. I wasn't as bothered nor angered with the vices of the city of Bangkok but more sadness for the older ones I saw trying to make a living on the streets because I wanted so much for them to know God - to see a sense of abundance and hope in their faces.

I shared with my pastor who challenged me with this, "What are your pursuits?". He said it very lovingly to me to remind me that we can all talk about living a radical life, and about wanting to do this and that but are we actually living it out? I think what he was trying to tell me was I know it and I can talk about it, preach about it but what's more important is to really actively live it out by being intentional with my pursuits. And he followed on by saying to me, if I understand the urgency of the times today, my pursuits can only be in a particular direction and destiny.

I must admit that I'm not a natural when it comes to evangelising to others, or when it comes to sharing the gospel easily - I do get nervous, have goose bumps and would rather someone else do it, and I just pray or like what some people say, have the attitude that says "Yes Lord, Here am I but send him/her". Yet, God deposited something so real in my heart since Portugal for nations to come to know Him, and a deep sense of conviction, compassion and passion for peoples of a nation that I could not shake off. Everywhere I go, I see people and that same feeling stirs within me - what was I to do about it?

I was meant to be in Singapore on Father's day at my friend's church service but my Dad decided to drive only on Sunday afternoon instead of Saturday night so that meant I ended up in my church in KL. The sermon was on Acts. As this slide came up on the screen, I knew God was speaking to me directly "Passion is not the level of energy in our bodies but the level of fire in our obedience."

And it goes on to challenge the congregation about our call today to the world we live in :
"Beloved, God has given us authority and He has given us the weapons of our warfare to help us, but we need to get up and fight. We need to repent of a passive spirit and stand with Christ’s authority in this day of war and battle. For if we fail to do either - pray or act, we might actually lose the soul of our nation! Our defeat might come, not because God's help was not available but because we saw the advance of evil and remained passive.

I needed to start tutoring my heart for this - and I thought I had loads of time to do that after the Breakthrough Weekend...Of course, what I did not realise was that this was all part of the process of the work God started in Portugal and continued on right through the Breakthrough Weekend with God clearly reminding me of my One Life, One Purpose.

I am loving the way He is so gentle with me, and spurring me on to have the boldness and the courage to live...to exchange my weakness for His strength when I see myself as He sees me.
    The courage to believe God when all else fails
    The courage to act in obedience
    The courage to change
    The courage to persevere

I believe. I have hope.
Greater things are yet to come,
Greater things are still to be done in this city.
There is no one like our God.